School of Hard Knocks

It's so easy to eye roll and head shake the thoughts that come of a quick glance about.  Tiring of that reflex, I just start tuning it all out as best I can.  But then- a shock of recognition, always. That first second of realizing that you're snug in bed and it's Tuesday morning and, yes, that actually is the garbage truck outside and your can is chock full of the stinky things of summer, far from any curb, and you might just make it if you run, now.  Hiding just won't work for long.

Take war, holocausts, tornadoes and what-all.  Child abuse, torture, the deaths by a thousand cuts- the innocence of  t.v. with snacks piling up daily, slowly, to a cold mountain of diabetes and dementia...........

So many things to be fixed; reasons to feel sad and anxious.

But, instead of a Tragedy, suppose we see earthly life as a School? Suppose a war is a way that beings choose to grow?  Do we really think that growth doesn't require pain?  That the Universe is just hanging around, instead of evolving?

Way I see it, I have to choose.  Tragedy or School- One takes Ground, and one takes Figure, or we try to ignore the whole thing. 

I'm learning to choose School.  But trusting the basic goodness of Life is a switch for me- a big switch.   Switching allegiance to Pleasure from Pain.  Trusting pleasure-  real pleasure, deep pleasure, pleasure that comes unbidden as our birthright when we stop thinking we have to pay for it...............the pleasures we have to pay for are totally second rate, if not pain wrapped up with a bow.

So, how do I not only trust Pleasure, but distinguish it from a demon in a smilin' dog? 

All I can say at this point- I'm wanting to learn- is to simply ask one's heart, not the idea of the heart but it's Palpable Presence.   Right there, fuck fuck fuck!  So frustrating- right here, always- but I'm still stuck in a very stubborn tragedy- the fact that I'm addicted to tragedy!

We don't have to pay for Pleasure- but our loyalty, so tested, like beaten gold will shine in, and as, the very Sun.  It already does, and I refuse to see it.  What a tragedy!

Well, back to school I suppose................